my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
