Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
