I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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