Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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