Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
