matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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