I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
