There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
