he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
