She is in my trunk
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
