I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
