How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
