Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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