I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
