I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
