We're like a lot better than the average bears
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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