There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
