So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
