We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
