y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
