and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
