Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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