Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
