I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
