i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
