If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
