our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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