I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
