He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
