If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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