I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wanna go halves on a baby?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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