wanna go halves on a baby?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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