she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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