he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
