Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
