Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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