I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
