This girl is more easily done than said...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
