Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
