imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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