Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
