Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
