just come out here and I will go home with you...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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