So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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