He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
