No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
