Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
