grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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