Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
