He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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