Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
