for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
