Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
