No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
